Justin Johnson

CONFRONTATION!!! extra exclamation!!!

Justin Johnson — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 08:11:38 +0000

the storms of late have been EXTREMELY scary – i dont know if its just because of the recent tornadoes or what but the winds, the rain the whole thing seem to be slightly upscaled a bit – maybe God is pissed – like, “look muthafuckers, you think this shit is a joke???? you fuckers better wake up!” – and yes God can cuss – he MADE cuss words people – just like he made the stars, planets and everything else out there and here – it didnt happen over night, errr maybe it did, whose to say BUT my point is, is that it didnt happen without confrontation –
    ALL great things some where down the line were developed because of confrontation – confrontation is the epitome of production – without it things, ANYTHING would not happen – recently during a road trip i found myself in a discussion about Hank Williams Jr – thats right good ol Bocephus – now EVERYBODY knows Hank – love him or hate him or both, hes a country music if not pop culture icon – he is blessed with being the son of Hank Williams as we all know BUT hes not WHO he is because of his lineage – anybody ive ever known to have contact with him or seen him in concert, in person or out and about has always prefaced their story with, “hes a dick!” – they then proceed to tell me how awesome he was and what a good time they had seeing or hanging out with him – how is this???   how can somebody be such a dick and yet be so charismatic?? my biz partner used to have this bootleg CD that we would listen too where Hank was SHITFACED and would cuss the audience, the band, EVERYBODY! he even cussed John Elway when he started to play “all my rowdy friends” – the beauty of it was no matter WHAT he did or what he said the band just went right along – he was so drunk hed play a few lines of a hit, forget the words and then launch into a completely different song – the band wouldnt miss a beat or a note as if theyd rehearsed it – after a few times of doing this you could tell, under all the cussing outs, that Hank was actually TRYING to throw them off – at one point he breaks mid-cuss to say to the band, “you aint impressing me….” then back to cussing – i could have killed to have seen this concert – much like the Ryan Adams breakdowns id be pissed that some douchelord was calling him bryan or yelling out “come pick me up” and not letting him do his thing BUT at the same time his frustrations are kinda comforting –
    so WHY is it fans keep going back??? the guy that yells out “come pick me up” at the ryan adams show probably bitches for a week after about how he wants his money back – does he do anything about it??   no – he goes home and listens to ryan adams – people like ryan adams and hank jr can pretty much just show up, make an appearance and be done – they dont HAVE to hang out – its always the nobodys who are nice – “man so & so was GREAT – we smoked a joint on his bus and everything” – well that is great but theres a reason his/her name is “so&so” because I cant even remember who it was – i mean if they had told me they smoked with willie nelson then how could i forget??? at this point willie or hank could literally fart in a mic and it wouldnt be any different than if jesus had come and sat in – they have a name – that name is associated unequivocably with being able to do whatever it is they do – whether its hank, ryan adams or donald trump – hell george jones is famous for not showing up!!!! every concert he didnt show up to?? sold out – so again how is this possible? confrontation – somewhere down the line, and currently, they themselves or someone that works for them is being a dick – theyre going thru the sifter of m&ms looking for brown m&ms – brown m&ms you say???? yes BROWN m&ms – its probably one of the classic rock biz legend, urban myth, whatever stories youve heard about van halen or some other band but van halen is the originator – it goes like this – most every band, touring band, has a RIDER attached to their contract to play – a rider is an addendum to a contract providing the artist with comforts, tech specs, any accommodations the artist requires – for lower tiered bands its a few free beers and water – for van halen ONE of the rider items was a SIFTER glass of m&ms with NO brown m&ms – now to the lay person this seems petty and ridiculous but to a biz man this is key – when van halen started touring in the late 70s stages, production, venues were suspect – nowadays there are regulations and standards – at that time if you brought in two, three semi trucks worth of production, there was cause to worry that peoples lives could be in danger of any number of things – ONE pin in a light rig or speaker being flow up above david lee roths head could end in diamond dave, michael anthony or the van halens getting literally killed – SO the test was the brown m&ms – if they didnt do it – they didnt read the contract and the show was a no go – that old saying “the devils in the details” is true – miss one detail in a big production & you could be fucked, for life – by the way, in my experience WOMEN are the best tour managers because women are all about details – ANYWAY it is this principle in ANY business that make people who and what they are – confrontation leaves no question as to what is wanted or needed –
    when i say confrontation one naturally assumes a butting of heads or an argument but thats quite the contrary – although it might take intimidation and force at times to get your point across, its not always needed – theres another old saying “choose your battles” – that doesnt mean sometimes you just roll over – it only means that sometimes FIGHTING is not necessary – sometimes confrontation only means what it is – to confront – why leave something unsaid no matter how trivial it might seem when you could just come out and ask or suggest point blank?? most times it is welcome since inherently, especially in the music biz, nobody WANTS to be impersonal – i mean it is the “music biz” – who wants to be all about business if we dont have to?? well ME because even though i LOVE playing, performing or whatever im doing with music, there are OTHER things i COULD be doing like, i dont know, hanging out with my kids?? or believe it or not making money somewhere else!! confrontation is also about being PRO-active but in small doses – u dont want to go over anyones head but you also want there to be a clear DEFINED communication – sometimes that means you have to lay claim to your responsibility so that everyone you work with knows that theres no question about what it is that you want to do – this always helps when you have a ton of opinions – opinions and ideas are great and if in fact it helps the cause me personally im all about them but dont get upset if i veto it –
    CONFIDENCE and confrontation go hand in hand – the more confident you are the easier confrontation will go – basically if you know what youre doing then theres little doubt that not everything is taken care of – some people get weirded out by confidence and become confrontational – i was a tour manager for this guy and he would get upset with me because i was TOO relaxed – he felt i should always be worried and frazzled – sorry charlie me no get upset about shit ive been doing and have been able to do for the past 25 years – granted there were times when situations would come up but those are to be expected – how you handle them is what makes you a professional – are you going to CONFRONT the problem head on or are you gonna be a dick and not realize that sometimes, every once and a while, things are out of your control – theres a difference between having to be a dick and BEING a dick – knowing the difference is what separates the so & sos from the stars…….

Guess what? It’s 2011

Justin Johnson — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 07:05:59 +0000

Yep it’s 2011 & I’m an old guy – next week will be my 20 year high school reunion – somebody asked me the other day where they knew me from spouting, “where did you use to work?? I know you from somewhere!!” – I was kinda speechless because I couldn’t think of anywhere I would have worked that I might have knew this person – I replied,
“the nick maybe?? Highland music?”
She interrupts and says,”no no YOU WORKED somewhere!!”
I finally told her I’ve never had a job job I’ve always played music and maybe she had seen me play – she insisted that wasn’t it until I mentioned I played with CADDLE and then she says as if shed been let down, “0h yeah that’s it…” thanx lady sorry to disappoint – it always dawns on me even though this is all I’ve done that, this is all I’ve done – sometimes I feel like I’m ahead of the curve but it never does me any good – other times I feel I’m behind because I don’t know who some new popular indie band is or Mumford and Sons or old crow med show is at the top of someone’s request list when I’m playin a song – literally I’m playing a song at a gig and in the middle of me singing somebody will decide that’s the right time to ask me if I know any of these bands songs – go figure what’s equally annoying is booking bands – while i say I don’t have a job other than music I actually do – I own a bar here in Bham where I’m the guy that books the bands – apparently, in my experience, bar, club, restaurant owners THINK they want bands and that it will be easy to book bands – the owner usually has the attitude that they are doing the bands a favor – this leads to resentment when said owners realize that having bands is a whole other facet and biz on top of the biz theyre already running – so to weed out potentially bad bands or hacks they decide to take it big time and ask for a press kit – a press kit is exactly what it is – a junket of shit that sells u to the club – back in the day this would include a photo, a bio & a sample of music – sometimes “extra” stuff so it will get “noticed” – in all my years NOBODY’S press kit was ever opened and they piled up in a corner in the office or someone’s house – if they did get opened usually because of the “extras” (ooooo colored envelope!) it would be from the greatest WORST band ever and would be the running joke for the week – so along come the intranets with it’s fancy web pages – it pretty much turned the music biz on it’s ass – for the better I say, but that’s another blog – it took a while for clubs to catch up – one guy actually told me early 2000 that he didn’t have time to check stuff out on the net ….ok – it was a struggle for some – so we fast forward to 2011 where if u can’t get YouTube on ur PHONE ur completely b.c. – i absolutely DEMAND that bookings be done thru email ONLY! It is met with some resistance but in the end it’s for everybody’s protection – see how we did some BUSINESS with out actually having to DO business??? Most musicians hate the biz part – but if you play and you want to play in front of people guess what, ya bizzin it up son – email is like THE easiest way to facilitate a contract with the casualness of the classic handshake – a receipt of the transaction if you will – websites and email & marketing software have made it even easier where you can build your own website complete with pics and bios and all the fun shit – hell some of them will even email FOR you – SO for all you aspiring music biz folks heres a few tips
1. Choose the right club – if you’re a dj and ur trying to book a gig @ the local coffee shop, think again my friend…
2. Before emailing the talent buyer or “guy/girl @ the bar” or booking agent have your website ready to go & make sure ALL your media works and is up to date- don’t send me a link that says website coming soon or a broken YouTube link because you posted a song that was removed for copyright violation -
3. Wait at least a week for a response – even though it’s email in the tech world email is kind of old hat – it’s a good way to procrastinate – most people do their booking way in advance so booking your band believe it or not isn’t high priority, defcon 1 -
4. Don’t ask!! Just do! Don’t send me an email asking me if it’s ok if you send me something – send a link already!! Guess what email is for!! Haven’t you been reading this blog???
*side note – don’t ask for an address to send me a cd or when I’m gonna be there or if you can call me and let’s talk – I don’t have time to talk to you or listen to a cd – send the link! Click click & click playa! Er maybe touch touch AND touch!
5. Last but not least keep it simple the quicker the better – trust me I know how hard it is to narrow it down but somehow it has to be done – post a few songs, couple of vids and a pic – forget a fuckin bio – ive heard it & I don’t give a shit about ur awards or accomplishments
There you have it – the future as told by me – keep in mind this is for my club and it’s tiny – bigger clubs. bigger venues they may want more fluff because they actually promote…sometimes (seriously whos gonna pay me to blog??)

A Call To Arms…

Justin Johnson — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 08:41:19 +0000

Keep your gun clean boys – better yet get a couple o more for the ride – its gonna be a doozie, it aint gonna be pretty & gas is expensive – its high alert – defcon 1 – get plenty of sleep if you can cause youll need it – its no longer a shooting match – its war – not against one but many – its the same pay for twice the work – if youre not on the edge then youre not doing dick – why such a heightened state of affairs??? why not?? ive sat back for too long and done nothing but do what i do – it has served me well until now – call it bitterness – call it a “looming attitude” – call it what you want but it needs to be confronted – do not apologize for contempt – do not back down from a fight – do not choose your battles – its a constant battle & the moment you stop fighting, youre finished – your wits & experience are your greatest weapons – do not let someone demean them, belittle or disrespect them – stand up proud for who you are and what youve done – fight for what you deserve – you are entitled – do not confuse potential allies as enemies – let your allies know they are not alone – meet confrontation head on – dig in tooth & nail & stand your ground – take back what is yours & guard it with your life – kiss the ones you love – prepare for the worst because you wont be coming back – its a suicide mission – everyone will think you are crazy, paranoid & delusional – if you refuse you will be haunted constantly everyday until you submit – you gotta be bad to be good – you will sin – you will hurt – you will cry – you will make others hurt & cry – in the end they will know this is the path for which you have been called – youve been drafted and put on a train straight to hell – the journey is long, hard & tiring but there is glory at the end – make no mistake friend, the enemy follows you EVERYWHERE – theyre hiding in the details – whether its you alone or you & 10,000 – there will be hands out begging for a piece of what you have – you may regard it as less than needed but do not fool yourself – people want it and will take it & all you have – hold it close to you – do not forget you have it and know how to use – let the music do the talking – those who need to know will know & those that dont??? fuck ‘em……

p.s. – dont take any bullshit – have faith & always be nice – kill em all with kindness while youre shredding in their face with ungodly tone…..jimmy page those muthafuckers with a wide open stack!!!

More vids More vids More vids!

Justin Johnson — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 06:03:14 +0000

im kinda having fun with this vidja posting shit!!! this post includes a BASTARD version of my latest, one from a “friend” AND an ol classic hope you all enjoy …
-Thanx to Katie G for the fine vidja photoging!!!

Are You Still My Girl…

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I2tNgBOqm5w&w=400]

Shelly – Adam Hood

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bTfp5b-cVSQ&w=400]

Everytime You Go Away – Paul Young/Hall & Oates

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L4rNYE7--1o&w=400]

ok ok ok ONE more classic..
Dont Dream Its Over – Crowded House

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGvxdG8oiJE&w=400]

Beasts of Burdens & Brown Eyed Girls (the RE-Post)

Justin Johnson — Mon, 04 Apr 2011 07:02:32 +0000

originally posted a couple of years back on facebooks – i will have to say i havent written a rant, blog, whatever like this in a while – im frankly embarrassed of my writing as of late so im hoping i can redeem myself with older shit – here ya go…

i wrote this back in september after a nose flaring night at gallettes in ttown but yet i still play there every wednesday – i guess im a glutton for punishment – anyway i started the open mic at innis free in ttown last night and minus the drunk birthday girls it wasnt TOO bad – listen ladies its great you want to have fun with your girlfriends and celebrate one of yalls birthdays but the list and tiara thing are as unoriginal as yelling “freebird” at a concert – for more on this read further – i dont want to have to repeat myself like you girls do when you tell me its your friends birthday (see #6) – i know already!!! i dont care!!

who doesnt love sorority girls? the majority of them are fit for the pages of playboy – they travel around in packs wearing the latest fashion flaunting their sexuality as if it were a pair of diamond earrings – if they say they dont theyre full of shit- nobody walks out of the house with what these girls have on without knowing what theyre doing- guys, girls always know what they are doing – the more revealing the clothing the more they know – theyre not asking for it they just know you think they are – they dont buy a short skirt or a v-cut blouse because its comfortable – they use that prowess to get or do just about anything – including telling me its their birthday expecting me to pay attention to them – if only it were sorority girls – its any girl who has probably gotten most things due to the fact that they know guys are totally mesmerized by their rack – chances are if you play music for a living you play to these girls and the guys who chase them around – well call them enablers – the whole reason you get paid for these gigs is to put up with their bullshit all night long – not because you write or play good music – if you think that you are an enabler to- wise up jackass – more often than not these girls think the world should stop so they can announce to everyone, “its mary ______’s(insert second name here) birthday!” – really? i totally didnt know seeing as how she has a list around her neck of things to do before the night is through, a boa and a tiara that says im 21! on top of that the bitchiest one of the entourage, which every birthday girl has, feels the need to tell me its her friends birthday WHILE I AM PLAYING A SONG! I AM PLAYING A SONG! i cant talk to you right this second – thats just the beginning it gets worse from there – i really want to go to the mall where these girls work with a group of friends and repeatedly tell them while theyre helping someone else that its my friend steves birthday – but i cant do that – even though it would be great if i could film it and put it on youtube – since i cant i thought since girls and etiquette go hand and hand as any house mother knows, i would make a list of what not to do when a band is playing – here it is-

1. dont talk to the band while we are playing – we cant hear you because we are playing genius – most of the time we are playing the song you asked us to play while we were playing the song before! which brings me to number…

2. dont ask for a song and then leave or walk off – were only playing your song because we are trying to be nice because its our job

3. dont get mad at me because i dont know your favorite song – i dont know wagon wheel – which by the way is just an out of right field song that has slowly taken over the top spot for most requested – which brings me to a side note – if you do play music for a living you only need to know five songs and play them over and over – they are:
1. brown eyed girl
2. beast of burden
3. sweet home alabama
4. dixieland delight
5. widespread panic/ grateful dead / phish / dave matthews
not necessarily in that order they can change at any given moment depending on the region you are in – the number 5 bands are especially tricky because usually its a dude that requests these bands and asks you to play these bands by asking you only using half the name, “dude you know any panic?” or “play some dead” or my personal favorite “play some dave!” – dave who? you are going to have be more specific because there are A LOT of daves in music – dave clark, david lee roth, dave mason – these kids have not a clue who these daves are and they would argue with you all night long as to why their “dave” is better than yours – phish is in a league all their own – you cant halve their name – which was probably a consideration on their part – but if you dont know any you certianly dont know dick about music according to these music scholars – the number 5 bands also play covers but often they are obscure to the average listener so an argument almost ensues about who originally sang their favorite, “all along the watch tower” – i cant believe after all these years ive been playing music ive finally met you a 21 year old frat kid whos gonna learn me on rock history – thanx kid im better for knowing you

4. no you cannot get up on stage – you have high heels on and there are all kinds of hazards up here for a vulnerable drunk girl like yourself – just tonight i saw a girl bust her ass! she almost broke her neck and might have but she wont know until she wakes up in the morning and cant turn her head – no sympathy from me people – ive been drunk plenty and if i got into trouble while drunk guess whose fault it is?

5. dont ask to sing a song you dont know or are afraid to sing – seriously dont act like what i do is easy – singing in your car or shower is the equivalent of putting gas in your car vs being a car mechanic – saying you want me to help you sing is ME singing it – this actually is just another ploy to get on stage so everyone can see them so they can be special – guess what? youre not! and no i dont think i am either im just getting paid to be here

6. last but not least – dont repeat yourself – you already told me it was mary blanks birthday – you told me a million times – i just played beast of burden – you asked me to play it the first time – im not going to play it again because you think, “nobody was listening” – sweetheart nobody listens period – again its why i get paid

im sure those of you who play have similar horror stories – for those of you that dont play, NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR BIRTHDAY – its just another day – you were gettin drunk before you were 21, you get drunk after – theres nothing special about it – all this also holds true for bachelorette parties – i dont care that youre getting married but if you want me to ill play your wedding – it will cost you $2000 and that my friends is a whole nother blog which im sure i will write…

Vids Vids Vids…

Justin Johnson — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 09:56:21 +0000

im in the process of posting some of my “chart topping troubadour” hits – heres one – its called PARKING ON A DIRT ROAD – its all about getting some romantic like…
-Recorded @ the War Eagle Supper Club in Auburn, AL

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VaXOmBpUeXI&w=400]

heres another – my hit from yesteryear – BACKSEAT OF A VAN -

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCXBZrK71O8&w=400]

and last but not least one of my favs, TUMBLIN DICE (didnt write that one….)-

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5XGhQKuyMYk&w=400]

south x southshit

Justin Johnson — Mon, 21 Mar 2011 10:14:48 +0000

please allow me to congratulate all the 2011 hopefuls that made it back to their homes from SXSW – undoubtedly everyone has seen or heard the reports and now ill give you all my final word – to sum it up SXSW sucks a bag of dicks – not just one but a bunch at one time – a big bag of diseased dicks – NEVER and i mean NEVER has a festival, industry jack off or whatever the fuck you call it done less for bands than the sham of SXSW – “hey everybody!! lets pile up in our van with our rock and roll dreams and go to texas!!! well blog about our experiences – tweet our dates – keep everyone informed on facebook about how its going!! itll be a blast!! anything could happen!!”
heres whats gonna happen douche wads:
1. youll spend more money than you have or will make
2. youll want to shoot yourself in the face for having drove 15 hours for nothing
3. youll meet plenty of people who tell you everything you want to hear but can do nothing for you
4. when you leave gas will be cheaper than when you return
5. youll finally be on “tour”
6. when you return home EVERYTHING WILL BE THE SAME AS YOU LEFT!!
dont fool yourself indie kids – nobody cares about your shitty music – if they do it will only be short lived – youll play some shows at workplay – record another cd (this one WAY better than the last) – call all those people you met in texas – a year later, REUNION SHOW!!!! yeah i said all that shit – your band sucks – so does mine – I dont even want to hear my shit – i think its great that every year bands get fired up to go out to texas – every year someone asks me with enthusiasm “ARE YOU GOING TO SXSW JUSTIN????” – i dont even fucking answer – then of course the look on my face shatters them and they come back with this, “seems like it would be a good opportunity for you and your music!” – no, person who has no idea what they are talking about, its not – i go to texas all the time – i dont need a festival to go – heres a news flash: I PLAY MUSIC FOR A LIVING – always have – i did what i set out to do!! i dont need some douchelord college boy telling me hes gonna make my dreams come true – my dreams came true now i gotta live with them…

the music biz sucks an even bigger bag of dicks than SXSW – there is no ORDER – its a free for all – usually the people that have money to do something know less than the folks that dont – i certainly have respect for anyone who piles up and goes out to pursue their dreams – i hope for all our sakes that SXSW has, have or will benefit somebody – never benefited me personally or any band ive been in – it was much cooler to play a “non-sanctioned” gig than a “sanctioned” gig – either way it was a gig which is what i would have been doing anyway – honestly i hate being so bitter and jaded….no i take that back – fuck it – if i wasnt i wouldnt know anything….i love music -

Internets Relevance

Justin Johnson — Tue, 08 Mar 2011 12:41:35 +0000

- from the couch in the early A.M. watching METAL MANIA on vh1 classic……

so im trying to go to sleep the other night and among the millions of things that bombard my brain as im trying to relax and make sweet music with the sandman, it dawns on me – am i relevant on the internets?? (btw when i say “internetS” i imagine it being said in early from the squidbillies voice – id also like to add that “mystery” by DIO is awesome:)

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GhKaCpm6pPE&w=400]

where was i??? i got distracted…oh yeah relevance!!! how to i become relevant on the internets and does making me relevant on the internets make me relevant period?? these are tip of the ice burg questions – i have plenty more that may or may not be well…relevant – first what is it that makes someone relevant on the internet? troll the web and there are TONS of blog sites that have semi- famous if not famous bloggers who are known for blogging – does this mean they are good WRITERS or are they just recording in their online journals interesting thoughts and ideas?? either way they get attention warranted or not – the internet has made it possible for someone to exhibit their personality in a multi-demensional way – it almost supersedes what we know as entertainment – allow me to explain – before the internet wed see a comedian on tv or in a movie – wed think to ourselves and perhaps discuss with others how funny this comedian is – then along comes the internet – we now have more information about this comedian as weve subscribed to their twitter or blog – their wit becomes part of our daily lives whereas before we were only blessed with their hilarity when they performed – in contrast someone who just started blogging and gained recognition thru the internet might be funnier and hold more of a place in our hearts simply because they ARENT on tv or in movies – they may appear to be more on the common persons level as opposed to a “big star” – in a some ways blogging and posting thoughts and ideas IS a performance – these “performances” are more likely to tap into the writers personality rather than feature a talent for being funny – theres a huge difference in being a funny person and telling a funny joke -

the internet has leveled the playing field for not just music but entertainment in general – it has created a “sub” entertainment world where in between famous and infamous there are the “tide me overs” that keep us entertained until we latch on to the next big thing – twitter is the best example of this – twitter is an entertainment totem pole – at the bottom its you and your friends – @ the top its your favorite actors (charlie sheen), musicians, writers – in between its semi famous bloggers and tweeters spouting ingenious tid bits, one liners, pics and blogs – this daily info sometimes hits us harder than the horoscope with its insight – its actually how i came to write this blog – as i was looking thru my twitter timeline, i read a re-tweet from some musical comedian friends of mine, STUCKEY & MURRAY – the re-tweet was from a girl in new york (Boobs Radley) who is a pro blogger and appeared, @ least online, to have somewhat of a presence – her relevance however, is questionable which she addresses in one of her blogs about among other things internet dating (Are You Here Because of Modern Love? This Was the Column That Didn’t Run. ) – her posts are genuinely funny and mostly comprised daily communications between her and her friends and family – shes a good writer but ive never heard her tell a joke so i cant be sure shes a well rounded funny as opposed to an ingenious observationalist (yet another made up word…speaking of ingenious!!) – her point, as i took it, was about relevance – she explains that all the internet dates shes been on havent had anything to do with her observations as much as they do with her profile pic and internet handle – that most of the time she is left to wonder if its just a hook up, which is fine if its presented in such a way, but never is – its almost the same ol cliche but in 2011 “cyberstyle” , “he only wants me for my body…” – let me tell all you ladies this first and foremost: men are smart – when it comes to sex men are helpless:

A luscious bitch she is, true
But it’s not nice to fool mother nature
The proud mother of god like all ho’s
Is jealous of her own shadow

Who is this young Vic Tanny bitch
Who wish to be queen for a day?
Who would sacrifice the great grandsons
And daughters of her jealous mother
By sucking their brain until their ability to think was amputated
By pimping their instincts
Until they were fat, horny and strung-out
In a neurotic attempt to be queen of the universe, who is this bitch?
-George Clinton

you ladies know what you are doing when you accent in physical or cyber form your “assets” – cant help a guy for falling into your trap!!!! who wants to read a blog when they can look at boobs??? truly ol Boobs Radley is very insightful – she describes her contemplation of the famous she follows and whether or not it would be to her credit to rub elbows with them in order to gain credibility – knowing full well no female goes to a famous persons hotel room without knowing what the intentions are – she basically boils it down to groupies having groupies – her relevance being among HER groupies as opposed to the general public or the groupies of said famous person – the bigger question shes posing is, “is this the kind of relevance i want or need?”
soooooo alas i digress to MY original question, “am i relevant on the internets??” – no i am not – i probably will never be as relevant as i want to be – nor will i necessarily be relevant to those i want to be relevant to – with in that answer lies the motivation to write blogs, stories or music without restraint – im not worried about being relevant as much as i try to be funny and entertaining regardless of the medium – now im going to count how many time i said relevant or variance thereof…

- not my funniest blog , the sun was up, birds were chirping - george michael and andrew ridgely – luckily “ace of spades” by Motorhead came on….

Grammy Shammies

Justin Johnson — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 10:05:20 +0000

i like music. hmmm i really cant think of anything to follow that – somehow talking about the grammys seems to void my first statement because the grammys usually arent synonymous with music in my book – this year was a little different though – esperanza something or other won best new artist – never heard of her (i wasnt too obvious was i?) – SPALDING!! thats it! spalding – like ted knights grandson in caddyshack – anyway she won best new artist – up until that point i was gonna rip on the grammys for being a big douchefest but then they had to go and be all indie cool and shit – im not really a hip indie rocker hipster guy but its refreshing to hear names i dont hear all the time – again I LIKE MUSIC…..MUSIC – not dancing and theatrics but music – im sure ol justin bieber is good and all but he aint GREAT! so what if he can dance and will smiths son got up there and busted some rhymes – i dont give a shit because i like music – dre and eminem? dont care unless the chronics on beeyatch!! i like music – seriously i like music – the grammys, in my opinion, are a celebration for the top 1% of the music biz – just another way to justify to the public why they shelled out good money for terrible shit – now i will say there have been exceptions – there are some who deserved the honor but for the most part i dont need an awards show to tell me what good music is, ive got ears – ive also got another problem, im a music snob snob – thats right, music snob snob – if your a music snob because youre the coolest of the cool, know all the names and latest bullshit bands indie or not, i hate you – heres why, because i dont care if you like a band or not – dont lecture me about the drive by truckers – i saw them play to nobody for almost a year – AND no i dont consider myself anymore in “the know” than anyone else about them – if i ran the grammys though, southern rock opera would have won something – i would love to see an awards show that actually turned people ON to music instead of it just perpetuating an ego – ill go listen to esperanza spalding now just because i havent heard some indie hipster, douchelord or annoying girl talk about how fucking great she is – most of the time all this hype is bullshit anyway – all the talk i hear isnt sound – its just something thats been passed along as credible – how i dont know but i get tired of it -

it is 2011 and there are more kids with rock and roll dreams than ever before – all these weird ass bands on “we have signal” surely belong somewhere and have every right to do whatever it is they do but come on!! dont try and “one up” me by defending them as being “refreshing and different” – im just using “we have signal” as an example so before anybody gets their panties in their crack about it just know that i think certain venues in town are fucking stellar and is what birmingham needs – i also think its cool as all get out that there is a public tv show that features talent from certain venues – i do wish that it was more about local music as opposed to some out of town noise i give two shits about – i will say that just because i dont care about it doesnt mean it shouldnt exist, which brings me to….. arcade fire – they won! – honestly i couldnt tell you one of their songs if my life depended on it – 5 years from now ill be raving about them – i was the same way about radiohead and ryan adams – mainly because some dickshit kept going on and on about how awesome they were when a month before they were listening to jessica simpson -

i consider music to be timeless and like a fishbowl of candy – everybody has a favorite but you dont always pull out the same piece as someone else – so while youre chewing on laffy taffy – i may be enjoying a snickers mini – i dont give a shit about YOUR laffy taffy because i enjoying a snickers mini, well maybe twix mini – im not any less cool because i get on a laffy taffy kick a few months later – what it boils down to is that there is no music authority – letting your mind be the judge instead of your ears is musical sin – two words, guilty pleasure – one of my latest guilty pleasures was miley cyrus’ ‘party in the usa’ – does this mean i think miley is a musical genius or that im going out to buy all her stuff?? hell no!! people ask me all the time, “why is shit like that so popular?” – well, ill tell you its because people just like it – they dont think about it – heres another music cliche, its got a good beat and i can dance to it – its catchy!! pop music even though its considered lowest common denominator still has value – just because its not as intellectual as other music doesnt necessarily devalue it which brings me back to the grand theme of this blog, the grammys – the grammys celebrate popular music – they glorify all that is wrong with music while still covering their ass by throwing in a surprise or two – just call it for what “it” is and move on…i love music but i hate your favorite band.

Music industry bashing!!! First blog of the NEW website

Justin Johnson — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 08:29:17 +0000

so you bought yourself a bar – or maybe you play music or what the hell you play your ipod @ work – you could be infringing on someones copyright and not even know it – youre so dumb!! how could you not know that enjoying music is going to cost you something???? well sometimes it does…and the bullies that come collecting are called P.R.O.s – not a classy ill make you do anything i want you to charming Johnny Travolta but a bunch of guidos strong arming generally honest people for money they usually dont have – technically P.R.O. stands for Publishing Rights Organization – the main ones being BMI, ASCAP & SEASAC – and their mission is to collect money for songwriters and publishers through licensing – there are several different types of licenses and for the most part a PRO is honest in theory – there would be no way a popular artist could go and collect all the money owed to them every time their work was broadcast, used or recorded – a lesser artist would have an even harder time – the big difference is that the only substantial money would be generated by the more popular artist – a lesser artist might get SOME money but i can tell you from personal experience its not much – granted this is me were talking about and even though im totally bad ass, im still a nobody – all of this sounds well and good but its mostly bullshit – all this barely elementary explaining ive been doing really doesnt do the PROs justice – let me now share an example as to show what this really means….

lets say you open a business and you want to have music playing in this business – you may even want to have your buddies come and “JAM” down at your place (cant wait for that..) – maybe, just maybe, you want to buy a big screen tv or two and have sporting events on in said business (look out genius!) – you can buy your music from a wholesaler who provides equipment and CLEARED music, which means they bought a license to sell music for public broadcast and funneled the savings on down to you – this is the case in most department stores, chain restaurants, elevators etc. also referred too lovingly as MUZAK – you can also purchase plans from satellite providers that do pretty much the same thing – MOST of the time the music is NOT the original music and blows – sooo what do YOU do???? well its 2011! “i have an ipod!!! apparently im excited about it with all the exclamation points!!! ill just plug this into my rawkin system and everybody can bask in the glory of rock n roll” or whatever your musical taste – you also think that its time to start charging all these folks coming in to listen to that most awesome jam band playing all your favs because hey they gotta pay for all that beer they drink!! you do this enough times or shit even ONE time and guess who comes a callin??? one of the three aforementioned PROs with a stack of paper work that makes no sense – you put it aside because as the owner of a business people are ALWAYS trying to get you to buy something, donate or bill you for something you dont want or need – so after several attempts to contact you, you as a business owner might tend to wonder what all this mess is about – why do these people think i owe them money for playing music in my bar? i bought that music on itunes – i paid the band with the money i made at the door – the jukebox i have takes money – i dont understand???? at this point still confused you keep ignoring it hoping it will go away then one day you get threatened with legal action – this is serious shit!! somebodys suing us for something and i still dont know what it is!! so you contact the PRO rep and ask,” why are you doing this to me? ” – theyll probably come across as being nice in a passive aggressive kind of way and tell you to dig up that paper work they sent you (or left in your bar anonymously with a hand written note threatening you) – in this paper work youll find a equation on how they determined how much money YOU owe THEM – honestly at this point IM confused – how is it again i owe you money in the first place?? heres the conversation breakdown:

you: “how is it i owe you money again??”

them: “youre playing unlicensed music in your bar and you have had a cover band playing AND you have tvs AND a jukebox…”

you: “but i bought that music on itunes – i paid the band – the jukebox takes money – i still dont understand?”

them: “your music on your ipod is for personal use when you broadcast it it becomes a performance and we collect the performance royalty – your band played cover music which is the same thing and even though your jukebox takes money its still subject to a flat fee for broadcasting it – we base this all on a combination of capacity, how many nights you have live music, whether you take a cover or not, how many tvs you have and how many speakers you have – weve calculated that YOU owe US a BILLION DOLLARS!!!”

not really but it sure seems like it – the calculations cant be further from truth – they grossly overestimate all these factors and come at you with “weve never lost a case you best pay us this money” – and its supposedly true they have never lost a lawsuit – probably because they lead you into believing shit thats NOT true – technically, and heres where it gets extremely gray, all parties involved are in violation of infringement but its the party who stands to benefit the MOST who is crucified – this is also bullshit – this is a scare tactic – it may be true that some clubs greatly benefit well over the band or the listener but in general a business that has performances have operating costs that completely out weigh the other two parties – allow me to explain:

1. the listener is excluded – theyre paying to see a performance so they by no fault of their own are thrown into the mix – i like to call them diversions just another way for the PRO to justify raping you for money

2. the band flat out benefits PERIOD. this is mostly the case with cover bands – theyre playing someone elses music and making money OFF of it – with an original band youre paying for a performance license when you pay them to perform; however, they might decide to play a Talking Heads song so that all the cool kids will like them since their shitty original music sucks or even if its good, they might need that extra boost to give em some street cred – thats a benefit – more fans mean more money for performances and merchandise -their benefits are relative to their expenses such as equipment, gas, guyliner & spandex but MOST of the time its only consumables that end up being the expense – that being mostly gas and shit for the van – so at the end of the day a good cover band gets $2000 a show and spends MAYBE $100 in gas do this 3 nights a week and youve got some change….yes yes youll all say, “well what about other expenditures like sound men, drivers and techs?” – yet another benefit my friends – playing music is an awesome job – most people would trade their lives to do it – a monetary benefit is not the only benefit bands get – these extra people and buses and shit like that are all benefits – they arent required to do the job most of the time - sure there are expenditures and costs for putting on a stellar show but the more money you make the more you spend – the nature of business – benefit vs cost is relative…

and third ….the club, bar, coffee house, whatever – if the band gets all the door money at the end of the night, thats a no brainer, the band benefits the most because the they get all the money – as it is true that all the kids get thirsty and are gonna want beer and the alcohol mark up is high so the bar may appear to be making more money than god but the bar itself has operating cost to match the business they do – the band doesnt have to pay a crazy high lease to be in a decent part of town, the band doesnt have to pay the huge power bill every month – the band doesnt have to pay for all the alcohol up front in hopes they can sell it – i could go on but you get my point – lets say the band gets a flat fee because the bar has a built in crowd – should i even explain??? built in crowd means those people are coming there anyway!! cover music or not -

ok ok so i maybe be understating the benefits the bar gets – the bar definitely benefits from having music cover or otherwise but heres the problem, just because a songwriter or artist is a member of a PRO doesnt mean that a PRO collects their royalties – there are tons of artists NOT affiliated with a PRO – you can also get a license from the artist or songwriter personally – all they have to do is say, “you can play my music anytime you want..” – that in itself is just fucking way cool – a good analogy of what PROs do to music venues and businesses would be as if the police came to your house and said to you, “you MIGHT go buy some weed and smoke it so just in case that happens youll need to go ahead and pay us the fine plus promise us a little jail time” – sure buddy ill be sure and get that right to you…ANYWAY my point is that PROs base their fees on what might happen and since the big 3 represent almost everyone, chances are youre gonna play or have someone play one of those artists or songwriters they represent – ANNNNNDDDD the BIG question, “what can i do since theyve never lost a case, they seem to know a lot about me and theyre threatening me?”

1. only play music youve cleared with an artist to play
2. only have original bands and tell them they cant play covers
3. dont be intimidated!!! theyll (PROs) will say all day long they arent allowed to negotiate but thats the BIGGEST crock of shit ever – most of the time their info on your business is wrong – dont deny the fact that you benefit and you want to do the right thing – explain where youre coming from if that doesnt work call their bluff!! seriously! it might sound like stupid advice but it would take a ton of hours to log & research infringement violation – they simply dont have man power to sit in your establishment all night and go through all the music thats been played – PLUS most bars by law can refuse service to anyone for ANY reason – tell them to leave!! im willing to bet this has been done and id love to read about it as is this blog is more fun than fact -

just a few more loose ends to tie up, TVs and jukeboxes – TV broadcasts are usually public – the fact that they get you on TV shit is a flat rip off – i straight up told a PRO rep i wasnt paying for tv broadcast since the majority of the time it was visual not audio and that any event that i broadcast in audio is a public performance not to mention the fact that i pay for a BUSINESS package not a RESIDENTIAL package for directv – jukebox fees are THE biggest rip off – although not a HUGE expense on your PRO bill – it still makes no sense that they would charge since it is a pay per play scenario – jukeboxes are old hat anyway…

soooooo there it is PROs vs the small business man – im sure all of my wisdom can be shot down by a lawyer but at the end of the day PROs know they pretty much extort businesses – they are the last of the music biz greed machine and probably wont die out anytime soon – believe it or not this is only one facet of a PRO – please stay tuned for my next blog:

“dear PRO, what is it you do for me the SONGWRITER again??”

5.6.11
CORRECTION!!!! P.R.O. stands for PERFORMANCE Rights Organization - although they deal with distributing publishing money – anytime a song is played whether it be live or recorded its is considered a performance – my apologies for the confusion – even geniuses make mistakes….